I am a child of the 80′s. I relate life to Prince lyrics and was giddy when neon became cool again. Though slightly mortified when the mid-drift and hammer pants re-emerged.

Recently I had the realization that I am getting old. Okay maybe it was my soon to be 13 year old informing me that technically I am hitting that middle age point here soon. Then proceeded to tell me that my life was indeed half over statistically. I maturely responded with suck it or something along that vein.

This morning or more like this afternoon when I crawled out of bed aching and still not awake after my third cup of coffee, I realized the little jerk was right.

I had to google the Harlem Shake. And when I watched it I was like that is dumb. Damn it I am old. I recently gave up soda, which is huge for me. Because honestly I felt sick all the time. And well I am not getting any younger. Damn it I am old.

My days usually consist of me ranting over the ills of society. I am completely obsessed with correcting the wrongs of the world. I want to save small child in third world countries from famine, prevent guns in schools, and stop the country from reverting back to the poor race relations of the early-mid 19th century. I lose my mind.

And back in the corner of that mind I long for the girl who’s only cares in the world was if she could get a Saturday night off to see NOFX and if she could afford that cute pair of jeans she saw at the mall.

Being an adult is heavy. Holy shit having children is huge. And now I am old.

Okay my birthday is like in a month. I am having a nervous break down. I may need to buy something crazy like giant fake boobs or a boat. Maybe not a boat I hate open water.

I could embrace this growing up right? It is totally cool being a grown up I can do what I want, go any where, I can buy beer. Oh wait I have six kids I can’t even go to the bathroom by myself. Damn it.

Damn it.

Oh and I am pretty sure the skin on my hands is dramatically thinner than it was last week. I have old lady hands. I am a little old lady with a bunch of kids in a weird giant shoe.

Fuck.