I woke this morning feeling old and battered. Old. Like Ron Paul old. After an overly serious conversation with my husband that resulted in us not even saying goodnight. And me waking to the discovery that he slept under a tiny sheet with no pillow on the couch. Don’t be alarmed he’s been forced to the couch for a good 20 weeks now thanks to the twins. But I felt bad his make shift bed was not up to par. I usually get his bed ready for him. Wife fail.
I slept through the cable guy pounding on my door. Great now I have to reschedule. Liberty was kind enough to pee on me as well. I’ve yet to change my shirt. Instead I sat down and began to wax nostalgic.
Sometimes I wish I was 11 again. That’s the last age I remember where I still felt remotely like a child. I made these mix tapes for a neighbor boy that I liked. He never got them. It wasn’t really about him though. I just enjoyed finding the perfect song for that moment and my feelings. I wish a boy would make me a mix tape. I want Big in reverse. I want Small.
I am horrible at being an adult. I’m pretty sure I told Ramsey the other day that she was a “jerk face” and “not cool man.” I was in such a hurry to get here. I spent a good majority of it with my mouth shut and my head down. Now I’m living in some sort of child like rebellion. I’m pretty sure my tattoos are a reflection of my fuck you I can do what I want state of mind. Okay not really. I love pretty pictures and mermaids. Fucking mermaids! But as an adult you don’t get to do what you want. Barely ever. The only freedom I have is the ability to say the f word whenever I want. Fuck fuckity fuck fuck. Which I still get in trouble for. Now I have tons of responsibilities. That I have to do because lives depend on me.
I don’t have regrets. I’m not saying that. I love life. I love my life. Sometimes I just want a moment of that freedom you have as a child.
I can still remember some of the songs I put on those mix tapes. I’m going to share but please remember my childhood was in the 80′s and early 90′s.
These gems too……
I had no clue what the Divinyls were talking about! Damn I wish I could make ironing look that hot.