“Jalynn called Eric’s phone and his mom answered. She said Eric is in the bathroom. So Jalynn called back 3 minutes later and he was still in the bathroom! She was like um is he having issues.”
Oh my goodness shoot me now. No don’t come back after dinner. We are moving! Close the blinds, lock the doors. Is there some sort of witness protection program to hide one’s self from annoying teenagers. I need it. I need it now.
My oldest daughter has some sort of obsessive love hate relationship with the girl down the street. They can’t stay apart longer than five minutes. She stole the boy Ramsey liked. Now Ramsey gives her an ear and shoulder to cry on over said boy. Said boy also calls Ramsey for helpful advice on dating her bff. Who moved in on him in the first place.
Now I try my best to stay out of the affairs of 13 year olds. Unfortunately they talk loudly and must follow you into every room. I find myself wishing for deafness. I can not describe the amount of energy it takes to feign interest in the ramblings of hormonal teenage girls.
The awkwardness of youth is painful to watch.
Now babies they make total sense. Eat, poop, and sleep.
These are the rules for the nominees:
1. Add the Versatile Award photo on your blog post
2. Thank the award-giver and link back to them in your post.
3. Share 7 things about yourself.
4. Pass the award along to your 15 favorite bloggers.
5. Contact the chosen bloggers to let them know about the award.
Alright some facts about me:
1. I can’t spell versatile! Thank goodness for spell check.
2. I lick the metal ice cream scoop after scooping my ice cream. Ouch! Yes I have seen A Christmas story, no I did not learn any sort of lesson. Ask my tongue!
3. I love making list about myself.
4. I can chug a beer like a man!
5. Judy Garland makes me smile.
6. I floss, like crazy obsessive flossing. My husband has to keep floss in the car because I have been known to freak out.
7. I once broke up with a guy because he was going bald. I know I’m a jerk
I’m not sure I have 15 favorite blogs but here goes……
We also do not have orgies or sacrifice animals in our back yard. I don’t even smoke, anything. I’ve never worked at a carnival. Contrary to what some believe I don’t want your attention. I did not “mutilate” my body to have a conversation with you. And I humor you. I answer your dumb ass questions when standing in line at Taco Bell or getting a pap smear. Yes they hurt, no I didn’t design them, yes the mermaid on my arm has special meaning to me. I fucking love mermaids!
Yes you can be tattooed and have a job. My husband actually gets to tell people what to do and touch money. Oh my goodness. I have a name and it is not Pink.
I am a stay at home mom. My kids are on the honor roll. They are in advanced placement programs. My first grader properly punctuates. Am I really contributing to the moral decay of society with my pretty pictures. I’m raising well adjusted human beings. Guess what I vote. I’m a Republican and I believe in God. I give blood. I participate in school activities. I give money to every child that knocks on our door selling over priced popcorn.
I have just smiled when people have said the most insane things to my face, in front of my children. I have actually let it hurt my feelings. I’m naive. I honestly believe people are good. I still can’t understand how any one could say such awful things. I would never do that. I miss the days when people were polite. When the shit they talked was actually behind your back. I would never go up to a complete stranger and tell them what I thought of them. Well I might Facebook it!
At the mall a man saw Penelope’s hemangioma on her arm and he asked Matt if it was a tattoo. Seriously. Yes when two tattooed people mate their babies come out tattooed. Yes tattooed people have no moral compass and wouldn’t think twice about tattooing a baby. Are you an asshole or just stupid? That should have been our response but no Matt engaged in polite conversation. Like a reasonable human being.
Why am I so pissed? Because I spent the weekend listening to my husband mull over hurt feelings. Why was his feelings hurt? Well apparently his mustache and tattoos are too scary for other parents to allow their children to play at our house. What is hilarious about the whole situation is one of these parents has been divorced 3 times and is on boyfriend number 27. And another is an alcoholic. Who really is the poor adult example here.
I had actually reached a point were I felt like I should just hang out with my own kind. Stay away from all non tattooed people. That whole Six Flags thing shook my belief in humanity. Then it dawned on me the only kind I have is the human race. Because I am a human being. We are all the same mammal. Sometimes the package is slightly different but the same mammal, all the same.
Guess what Jesus still loves me. Shouldn’t you at least tolerate me in silence?
Ugh I’ve been a huge mess this last week. No interest in blogging or really life in general.
I spent the weekend laying in bed moaning. It hurts, I can’t open my eyes, I’m itchy, I want to die. It went mostly something like that.
After a week of torture and the unknown I get the news we’ve been waiting for. My pathology report came back clear and cancer free. No more methotrexate. That shit be whack!
I’m stoked and going on birth control! I can’t do this again any time soon.
But now I can’t moan. I must get back to living my life. Which mostly means laundry and wiping asses.
I was nominated for some versatile blogger award by another blogger. Which means now I basically have blog homework! I’ll be getting on it soon I promise.
But first I want to tackle another subject. Now I know I write the occasional risqué blog. And Candy Bottoms does sound like a porn name. But really and yes I know I’m over using the word but, but how does this search get someone to my blog?
Good vagina poundings! Wow how disappointed were they when they ended up on my blog. Mmm womb cancer, twins, guy with mustache, zombies, mush mush love, umm no vagina poundings here! Dirty dirty dirty bird!
I just shoo-ed my husband away. One of us should be allowed to enjoy this pretty day. And maybe feel remotely human. He deserves a little sunlight. After being forced into the role of mother and caretaker all week.
This week has been a blur. This time last week I was playing with babies. My only care in the world was mundane things like bills and chores.
Now I’m stuck in limbo.
My D&C went rather smoothly. I actually felt a ok the next day. Well till I ventured to the pharmacy for my medications. Only to discover my chemo would start immediately. I was also suddenly abandoned. But I won’t go into that.
I am thankful for being spared injections at this point. I feel like I’ve been hit by a large vehicle possibly a semi. My body hurts and I itch. I took my last pill yesterday. I’m hoping tomorrow I feel anything but this. I’m also hoping I will be out of limbo.
So we wait. I wait for a phone call. One phone call that will tell us if this plight is over or just beginning.
This morning while basking in the warm glow of babies I roll over to peak at my phone. 5 missed calls, 3 voicemails. Huh? I’m popular this morning. Nope just my OB office and it’s an emergency. My brain couldn’t quite digest everything that was being said to me. A few words stood out like GESTATIONAL TROPHOBLSTIC DISEASE, CHORIOCARCINOMA, and CANCER. Apparently without my knowledge a 3rd, 4th, and 5th opinion were sought on my possible prognosis. I guess I was all that was being discussed at the water cooler this last week.
Last week when the big C was mentioned to me. They played it down. Called it rare. Not likely happening. The whole time my brain was thinking what if I am the exception to the rule. Lots of ridiculous things have happened in my life. I’d be the exception.
Tomorrow I go for my pre-op consultation. Wednesday I head in for a D&C. I’ll get a few days to recover while they go over my biopsy. Then I’ll get to consult with an oncologist for my possible chemotherapy treatment.
If caught early and it has not metastasized my recovery prognosis is almost 100% with the D&C and chemotherapy. That’s pretty good. I got this.
Okay I’ve been actually human this weekend. I left my house, had a drink, got tattooed, had dinner with my husband. I read a book and cleaned. Sometimes you have to unplug. It felt good. So here is the inside of my purse, something that I am reading, and the mustache. Okay why did I pick the mustache as my something happy? Well because that silly thing makes me giddy!
12 days that’s dedication! I hate close-ups. So here I am no make-up, exhausted, and sitting on the toilet. Ewe! I’m not pooping. I’m hiding. The heathens have only knocked on the door 3 times. So it’s almost like a break. Today was weird. I’ll blog about it later. I’m too tired and I can hear the heathens arguing over the pug’s sleeping arrangements. They are knocking again. Guess break time is over.
Bonus photo: why children should not have cell phones