1. I hope you are into getting peed on. Oh it will happen, one morning that warm snugly spot you were nestled in will be in fact a giant puddle of baby urine. Upon realizing this you will either be horrified or just sigh and go back to sleep.
2. There is no actual sleeping. Well not for you anyway. You will be scrunched up in a corner while a tiny human all 29 inches of them enjoys your queen sized mattress.
3. How are your ninja skills? There will be tiny fist, feet, knees, legs, and elbows flying at you. Most land in your belly, throat, and face.
4. Do you like music? And by music I mean loud piercing goat like screams. Be prepared for your wee one to serenade you at 2 am. Expect an encore at 4 and 6.
5. If you are like me clipping your baby’s nails will be one of your least favorite activities. You will regret not keeping on top of this task when your wee one decides mid serenading to gouge your left eye out.
6. If your partner is smart they have retreated to the couch. You will envy and resent them. Your sex life will suffer. Oh wait what sex life? You will begin to wonder how you ever conceived the tiny ninja in the first place!
7. Babies can crap and immediately fall back asleep. Which confounds me. Your breathing will wake them but not a load of crap in their diaper. You will be roused awake by the stench and forced to make the hardest decision of your life, to wake said stinky baby. This will happen on the one night it took you 3 hours to get said stinky baby asleep.
For successful and safe co-sleeping please use a firm mattress. Make sure to remove all loose bedding and fluffy pillows. Never co-sleep under the influence of drugs, alcohol, and if you are a heavy sleeper. May I also suggest a wet suit and possibly a coat of armor. Don’t forget the protective face gear!